I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
