I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
