8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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