Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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