I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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