I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
