Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
