i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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