I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Found your dick twin last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
