well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
