i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
