id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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