yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
