shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
