we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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