I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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