i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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