no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
