Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
