I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
