Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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