I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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