You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
