Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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