is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
