I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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