my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
