Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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