If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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