time to smoke my breakfast
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
