apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
