its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
