The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
