Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
