Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
