Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
