ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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