Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
