you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
