So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
