it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
