did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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