Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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