I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
