uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Your cock deserves a montage
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
