I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
