Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
