I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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