you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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