Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
