How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
